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The Bachelor Episode 7 Recap

Episode 7 starts off in Tuscany with Arie and Becca K going on a 1x1. Between Paris and Tuscany Arie found time to fix his cute little convertible. They cruise through some streets where there is ZERO traffic at all including civilians. They find the perfect parking spot because there’s ZERO traffic. They then roam the streets/alleys arm in arm with NOBODY around. I mean not a damn soul. They then happen on a solo bread seller. And by solo I mean NO OTHER SELLER is around. Just this guy set up shop with all kinds of bread and NOBODY around but Arie and Becca K find him. After some great acting they buy some bread and head to a cheese shop which looks more believable. Loaded up with bread and cheese they set out for a picnic. They talk, smooch, and dance and then wind up on top of a building where Becca K lays in Arie’s arms. They tell each other their deepest feelings. Arie goes so deep as to tell Becca K, “I care about you” which translates in Arie speak to “I want to make out with you” and they do.

Back at the mansion Kendall and Jaqueline are having a talk. Jaqueline can’t decide if she wants to stay on the show or step straight into the Vortex. Kendall is basically telling her she should just go into the Vortex. Kendall is sneaky smart at this game. We’ll get back to them in a bit.

We then go back to Becca K and Arie at dinner where their in depth conversations continue. Becca K tells Arie she’s falling for him and Arie responds with no words but locks onto her lips. Kissing makes everything better! He then tells Becca K, “I really really really really like you.” Seriously. That’s a direct quote. That’s four “really”s so you know it’s SERIOUS. Before giving here the rose he tells her, “It’s been difficult, I’m here for you, I’m falling for you, and I can’t wait to meet your family.” What’s been difficult? Where would Arie have gone he must clarify here’s there? Arie and his words. Becca K is all excited Arie gets to meet her family. What’s funny is leading into this episode all of the girls talk about how exciting it will be that Arie gets to meet their family. They’ve all forgotten Krystal already met Arie’s family. Meeting family ain’t no big deal for Arie, ladies. It’s like going to the mall for some shoes.

Before we move on from Becca K I must say she’s PERFECT wife material. She’s beautiful, smart, and totally comfortable as herself. From a pure wife standpoint none of these girls stack up to her. If Arie is REALLY looking for a wife she’s the choice hands down. But I don’t think Arie is really looking for a wife so we’ll find out.

Back at the hotel Jaqueline decides she needs to have a talk with Arie. Jaqueline begins to unpack her issues in front of Arie and she’s a hot mess. Arie is completely confused on what to say because he’s not totally into Jaqueline but he knows her leaving means there’s one less girl to make out with. He’s trying to mitigate some solution. She tells Arie, “Our date was so amazing but I’m worried about getting to Scottsdale without knowing how I got there.” Um, Jaqueline, the point of this show is for Arie to find a wife. The way it would work is he would choose you out of all these other girls, propose to you, get married, have a honeymoon, and then y’all would wind up in Scottsdale as a presumably happy couple. Arie would sell homes and try to monetize y’alls “Insta Fame” while you go to school like you want. I swear women’s brains complicate the most straight forward of steps.

They talk some more and Arie tells her he really likes her. He used one “really’ so you know her ass is toast. He should have sent her ass home when she started unpacking that baggage but Arie just doesn’t like seeing a perfectly good set of lips walk out that door. As he hugs her goodbye he tells her, “If you have any regret, you come back to me.” I’m sorry. DO WHAT NOW, ARIE??? Did you REALLY just tell a girl that’s leaving a show where you’re trying to find the future Mrs. Arie the door is open??? DO YOU KNOW HOW THE BACHELOR WORKS MISTER??? Jaqueline is eliminated and you are to move on to your future wife IMMEDIATELY. Or maybe you’re just not ready for a wife, are you? It’s these moments when I’m reminded what a complete moron Arie is. She was talking CRAZY and Arie gave her a rope to come back. Jaqueline is headed straight to the Vortex and Arie is acting like he wants to go with her. I mean Jaqueline tells us, “Hi Arie, you’re perfect in every way but I still don’t think I can marry you.” She said that but yet she can’t stay. Helloooooooooo Vortex. When Kendall finds out the news she starts balling because I guess she didn’t think Jaqueline would really do it. Meanwhile as you can see in the photo above Becca K and Lauren B aren’t real upset about Jaqueline leaving. It’s a game, people. Only the strong advance.

Lauren B gets her second 1x1 in consecutive weeks because Arie is trying to break her out of her shell because she’s so damn hot. If you females think I’m wrong there’s only ONE reason she got back to back 1x1s. Arie thinks she’s the hottest girl there and is giving her EVERY chance to keep her around. This week’s Lauren B looks like a totally different Lauren B. She’s smiling, she’s engaging, and she’s actually saying words as they walk around whatever part of Tuscany they’re in. Arie is doing an AMAZING job telling her all about where they are. He’s getting really good about remembering those talking points given to him by the producers.

They sit down at a table where there’s actual real people around them. Lauren B didn’t get the closed set date like Becca K. While seated Lauren B finally starts to engage and open up. This is an all new Lauren B. She’s telling Arie about concerns while Arie just listens and doesn’t say a word. Lauren B tells Arie she’s afraid to put herself through heartbreak again after her last failed engagement. About that time a kid kicks a soccer ball towards them. Lauren just unpacked something really deep and Arie responds with, “Hey, want to play some soccer?” He doesn’t even respond to anything Lauren B says but they play soccer with these random kids. One step forward and two steps back with Arie.

At dinner Lauren B continues to open herself up. I mean really opening herself up and Arie apparently caught the “Mute Disease” Lauren B had last week because he’s not saying anything back. Lauren B then tells him she’s falling for him. Arie looks at her and doesn’t say a word. He then excuses himself from the table. I mean actually gets up and walks away from the table after Lauren B tells him she’s falling for him. Normally he sucks face in this situation but maybe he’s gassy and needed to break wind far away from her. Poor Lauren B is sitting there utterly confused on what is going on while the producers fist pump in the production area. Lauren B tells us she’s confused and we’re right there with her. Arie then comes back apologizing. Lauren B politely says no big deal when she really wanted to say WTF dude? Why are you ignoring every deep thing I say today? First soccer and now this?

Arie then proceeds to tell Lauren B how deeply he feels for her. In fact he tells her, “I really do, really do care deeply for you.” That’s the first time he’s broken out “really do” and used it twice so it’s clear Lauren B is different than the other girls. He tells her he’s falling for her too and they make out. Wow. I never thought we’d get to this moment between the soccer and needing to pass gas. In Arie’s interview he’s flat out giddy about Lauren falling for him. He tells us, “God, I’m falling in love with that girl.” He’s way more excited about her when she really hasn’t shown much personality wise compared to the other girls. What Arie really means is, “She has minimal personality at this point but she’s so young and hot! I’m gonna get me a trophy wife!” Good luck with that, Arie.

Next up is Seinne. They go looking for truffles with some random guy and then random guy takes them to his family where they get invited to dinner because ironically enough they have two empty chairs available. They help make the dinner and the whole thing is pretty uneventful. Arie tells the Italian family while he’s making a pizza he worked at a pizza place in high school. It was Pizza Hut, Arie. That would be like telling a Mexican family you’re preparing dinner with you worked in a Mexican restaurant in high school when you worked at Taco Bell. It’s those moments when I realize Arie’s bulb doesn’t always shine the brightest.

At dinner that night Arie and Seinne start having a pretty deep conversation. It’s crystal clear Arie is intimidated by Seinne. He was intimidated by Jaqueline’s intelligence and Seinne trumps her intelligence big time. Seinne is WAY out of Arie’s league which is okay. What sucks is Seinne doesn’t realize it. Arie breaks out his big brain and tells Seinne she’s way more logical than he is. He’s confused logical with intelligent. We get what he means though. He tries to explain the difference between how they think but what he really should be saying is, “You’re really smart and I’m really dumb. How long until you’re bored by my feeble brain?” The whole conversation at dinner Arie gives a look he knows he’s not on the same level as Seinne. Unlike Krystal talking about different levels Arie knows it as he tells her, “Something’s off.” He also tells her, “I think we should be further along” which means he wishes he’d studied more in high school rather than dreaming about racing cars and working at the Pizza Hut. He sends Seinne home and she feels blindsided but handles it like the pro she is. She may feel blindsided but she’s better off. It’ll work out just fine for Seinne assuming she moves on from Arie quickly. Girl has it going on.

Next up is the 3x1 with Kendall, Tia, and Bekah M. Bekah M tells us she’s so excited for Arie to see her family. Your family will be excited to see you too, Bekah M. And the local authorities. Arie takes Kendall aside first and Arie tells her, “I’m trying to picture your family.” What does that even mean? Like he wants some photos? That’s not the first time he’s asked someone that this show. Why doesn’t he say the normal thing like, “So tell me about your family and what to expect if we visit them?” This is the guy that brings girls home on a first date and he needs actual pictures of the girl’s family? Maybe he’s just a visual person. Kendall is continuing to stride it out from last week with Krystal. She’s really opening up to him and all he can say is, “Yeah” and “Me too.” Arie’s depth knows no bounds.

We cut back to Bekah M and she tells us she can’t wait to be back at home. YOU’RE IN TUSCANY!!!! You really want to go back home right now? She’s obviously 22. Most adults would be sad to leave a trip like this but our little Bekah M is clearly homesick. Tia gets some alone time with Arie but right before that she basically lays it on Bekah M she’s there for the wrong reason. Tia is all about the competition. In her alone time with Arie she tells him her feelings to which Arie kisses her. No surprise.

We cut back to Bekah M and she’s totally worked up over what Tia told her. Tia’s strategy worked. Bekah M is homesick and needs a nap but big sister Tia just worked her up. Bekah M goes to find her daddy Arie to console her. She’s a total mess crying her eyes out but Daddy Arie is there to hold her. He tells her she needs to breathe and even tries to help her out by giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation. It seems to work and then Arie tells her in a very soft voice he needs to talk to her about some “tough stuff.” No kidding. He raised the softness of his voice and used the phrase “tough stuff” as it relates to hometowns. They seriously have a father/daughter conversation.

Bekah M goes back to where Tia and Kendall are. Arie comes in and tells everyone today was amazing. How was it amazing? You had to console your daughter because she’s homesick and Tia hurt her feelings. Arie mentions Bekah M shed some tears and Tia has a look of, “Damn right she shed some tears.” Tia is all about eliminating the competition. In a mild surprise Arie gives Kendall the afternoon rose which means she’s either in flat out full stride or the producers told Arie to set up an evening showdown between Tia and Bekah M. I know which one I’m going with.

Bekah M and Tia come in for the evening dinner and Tia won’t even smile at Bekah M. This is flat out a competition and Tia has her game face on. Nothing is going to derail Tia from getting that rose. She has laser focus. Noting out of the ordinary happens between Tia and Arie in their alone time. In Arie’s alone time with Bekah M he continues his role of daddy to her. His voice is softer and higher along with easier words to process. He even holds her like a child compared to the other girls. The line of their alone time is Arie tells her, “We’re both logical people that lead with our hearts.” Um, there goes Arie confusing logic for something else. I think he’s looking for term emotional immaturity. It’s clear Arie has moved on from Bekah M but he tries to suck out as much oxygen from her as possible before saying goodbye.

Back at the rose showdown Arie does the expected thing and gives the rose to Tia. Tia could have gone about it better but she’s exactly right in that Bekah M is not ready for any of this. Arie knows it and he gives Bekah M the boot. Unlike Krystal last week when Arie was shaking in his boots from fear he walks Bekah M to the van. Bekah M holds it together even maturely telling Arie, “This is going to work out wonderfully for you.” She then breaks down in the van which is fine. Arie tells us this about Bekah M, “I don’t see our lives fitting together.” No shit, Arie. She’s FOURTEEN years younger than you. You were almost applying to Pizza Hut when she was born. You know what your last fourteen years were like and what she’s about to do. You wanted no part of that.

So that’s it. We have our Final Four. Arie is going to visit the families of Becca K, Lauren B, Kendall, and Tia. Arie is getting closer and closer to finding his one true love. That is if Jaqueline doesn’t figure out the whole process to Scottsdale…

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