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The Original 30s Vortex Theory

This is the original theory that was written out one evening from which all of this evolved

This is not meant as a slam to females in their 30s at all.  Instead it’s meant as a PSA so females are more aware of why things aren’t working out if they really want an eternal mate.  Based on lots of experience at least a few of the things listed below might be why a female can’t find an eternal mate.  The 30s should be the OPTIMAL time to find an eternal mate but instead some females enter this Vortex with no clue how they got there.  The following will help explain how they spend the decade going nowhere when it comes to finding an eternal mate. 

What is it? – It’s something that never married single females enter on their 30th birthday if they don’t have a long term man of any kind.  They don’t have to be married or even engaged as If they have a man with long term potential they can avoid this Vortex.  However, if they don’t have a man with long term potential they enter this Vortex regardless of if they want to or not.  Very few actually realize it.  This doesn’t necessarily hold true for those that are divorced but in reality much of this can apply if they’re not careful.

Why Does it Exist? – It exists for a whole host of reasons but the main one is because there are more quality single females than there are available quality single males.  Even with that though single females make mistake after mistake in dating which is explained below.

What happens? – Single females enter this Vortex from the outside edge and are slowly drawn to the center which is their 40th birthday.  As she’s drawn closer and closer to the middle of the Vortex her odds of getting married become less and less.  The force of the Vortex towards the middle makes it harder to get back to the edge which is where a long term mate exists.  The further from the edge they get the harder it becomes to get back to the edge.

Are there estimated percentages? – While not backed up by scientific data it’s estimated that a woman that turns 30 without a long term prospect has a 50% chance of ever getting married.  If she’s still in the same situation on her 35th birthday that percentage drops to 25% and by her 40th birthday that percentage drops to 10%.

How does this happen? – It happens for a host of reasons which can include the following:

  • They don’t realize the pool of eligible bachelors gets smaller and smaller each year.  Mr. Perfect doesn’t really exist but the closest thing likely got scooped up in his 20s by someone else.  Those guys that didn’t get married in their 20s have flaws or are scared of commitment.  Guys who want to get married are single in their 30s because some woman didn’t scoop them up due to his flaws.  Some guys correct their flaws as well as some guys get over their fear of commitment but most don’t in their 30s.  The odds of a guy who’s never been married by his 30s ever getting married is likely less than never married single females in their 30s.  Especially if they see 35 without getting married.  Guys enter the 30s Vortex with a lot less care of ever finding someone and just ride it to the center.  Girls in their 30s still think Mr. Perfect is just sitting around the corner when in reality he’s not.  If you couldn’t find Mr. Perfect in your 20s he’s likely not coming around in your 30s.  Girls also don’t realize that never married single guys in their 30s are even less likely to want kids.  There is no baby clock for males.  None at all.

  • Girls in the 30s Vortex become more selective which works against the fact that the eligible bachelor pool lessens each year.  Single girls in their 30s are likely more financially and lifestyle independent.  They got to their 30s without a man so they’re not reliant upon a man and know how to be independent.  Problem with this is they build a spreadsheet of characteristics that men can’t live up to.  Men in their 30s have more flaws and the females become more selective in their 30s.  Good luck with that as the Vortex keeps pulling you closer and closer to the center with a smaller pool and higher standards.  It’s harder in your 30s than 20s.

  • They’re still wasting time on guys they can’t change or are chasing Bad Boys or DBags.  Those things are fine to chase in your 20s but the reality is if you didn’t change a guy in his 20s you’re not going to do it in your and his 30s.  He didn’t give in to change in his 20s and he’s not going to do it in his 30s.  Same thing with Bad Boys and DBags.  No matter how much you think of yourself you’re not that special to a Bad Boy or DBag.  He’s not going to commit to you just like he hasn’t committed to anyone else.  The minute you apply commitment pressure he’ll move on to someone else if he doesn’t do it before.

  • They like the Vortex.  Some girls actually like all the drama of dating guys in the Vortex because chasing is more fun rather than settling on one guy.  Along the same lines the girl may actually be afraid of commitment despite her stating she wants a man.  Deep down she’s afraid to settle down so she plays around in the Vortex because she finds it entertaining and isn’t really looking for a single relationship despite what she says.  These girls likely perpetually live on dating websites and apps as the reality is most of the guys on those sites and apps don’t actually change and the pool remains the same.  It’s just treading water.

  • They’re guarded from a previous relationship.  Even if they’re not doing one of those three things above they have a guard up and won’t open themselves up to anyone.  Rather than focus on the future they choose to stay a hermit when a real prospect could be out there.  There’s actually guys out there that won’t hurt you but girls need to realize who those guys are and give them a chance.  They need to lower their standards just a tad and let a genuine good guy into their lives if they don’t want to stay in that 30s Vortex with their guard up.

  • They’re hung up on an Ex.  Similar to being guarded but this is where they’re focused on a specific ex in their life.  They feel this person was too perfect for them or they feel they’ve invested too much time and can’t move on.  The reality is they’re an ex because it wasn’t working for some reason.  Some things can be re-kindled but most times when someone wants to hit the pause or stop button on a relationship it’s time to move on.  Constantly looking back at someone specific is a total waste of time and will get you nowhere.  One step forward takes someone further than two steps back so giving someone else a chance might surprise them.  They have to let the ex go.

  • They let themselves go physically.  When women turn 30 they don’t realize how hard it is to keep looking like they did in their 20s.  Men have it MUCH better when it comes to this and women don’t realize it.  As most men age in their 30s and even into their 40s they do it more gracefully and therefore find it much easier to date down in age where women can’t.  Not all as some men totally let themselves go getting a gut or no longer care about their appearance.  As women start down the path of their 30s they let themselves go physically which happens a little at a time because it’s harder to maintain than in their 20s until they wonder how it got that way.  At the same time they don’t realize they’re reducing the pool of eligible bachelors because they don’t realize they’re not competing against women their age anymore.  They’re competing against women 5 and 10 years younger than them.  It’s almost as if it’s God’s cruel joke for how they acted towards men in their teens and 20s and declining eligible guys that pursued them.  Now the Vortex keeps pulling them along to the center and they don’t understand why things are so much different from their 20s.  The shoe is now on the other foot.  Girls in their 30s really should start dating guys 5-10 years older so looks match up despite how much girls don’t want to admit this.  This means the guys they should be dating are likely divorced and have kids.  That’s not a bad thing because it means they committed to someone at some point and understand what it takes.  This is not true for all females as some females do a better job of holding off Father Time due to working out, diet, and other elective actions but the 30s is definitely where women start aging much more than their 20s.

  • They’re focused on their career.  This is actually something that happens more in their 20s and is partially to blame for what got them to the 30s Vortex.  If a woman is still focused on her career in her 30s she’s just extending the same issue that made her enter the 30s Vortex.  It actually makes it worse due to all of the other factors listed above mainly due to the reduced dating pool so “career” girls keep riding that excuse to having no man from her 30s to her 40s in no time.

  • They’re “working on themselves.”  Not even sure what this really means but some use it as an excuse.  The reality is this means they’re the ones afraid to commit to someone.  They’re likely just lost and can’t figure out their way in life.  You’re a much better person than you give yourself credit for.  Life really isn’t all that hard so stop complicating it if you want an eternal mate.  Just know every day you spend spinning your wheels trying to figure out life is a day lost finding a mate.  You’re going to wake up one day in the middle or center of the Vortex and finding that mate is going to be all that much harder because of the time you spent stuck in neutral.

  • Social Media makes it seem like they’re a Hollywood star everyone adores.  The reality is you’re just a star to yourself and maybe your friends.  Everyone thinks the same.  You’re no different.  You’re not really in a movie everyone is watching and those watching you likely aren’t prospects.  You don’t want to broaden your circle beyond that circle for fear you won’t get the same adoration.  So females just sit in this Vortex thinking there’s a scene around the corner where Mr. Perfect happens along and it never happens.  The grass is not greener as social media and dating apps will have you believe.  It gets harder and harder as you get closer to the center of the Vortex.  Social Media is totally fine for sharing and keeping up with friends but when it becomes a fantasy and replacement for reality it’s time to step back from it.

  • They’re afraid to “waste time.”  They got to their 30s wasting time on prospects that didn’t pan out and now all of a sudden want to turn things around.  Their biological clock is pounding along with the realization they’re not getting any younger.  So rather than let things develop naturally they become way too systematic about dating looking for negative indicators over positive indicators in a guy if they’ll even date at all.  They’d actually rather spend time on the couch or with their normal circle of friends which gets them nowhere.  Dating becomes more of a job interview looking for reasons not to consider someone.  When they happen to find someone where negative indicators are low they start to pressure a guy too soon and he pushes back.  Relationships have to follow a natural path and the more you force it down your desired path the more likely it is to fall off that path.

  • They’re oblivious to good guys.  There are lots of really good guys out there that would be a strong eternal mate.  However, due to some of the factors or even all of the above they just don’t give those guys a chance.  Females wind up just sitting in the Vortex as it pulls them closer and closer to their 40th birthday with no man.


This is not meant to be an end all/be all for factors but it’s a solid example based on feedback received from people familiar with the Vortex.  Once again this is not meant to be a slam on anyone and merely as a PSA.


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