There is no doubt that increased media accessibility has changed dating and relationships. Some of it is for the better and some of it for the worse. On the better side of things it’s allowed people to learn information about what makes relationships work better. There’s more advice and information about dating and relationships than ever before. That can be a good thing if someone really wants to learn and change. It also allows people to have more access to find their long term mate or even just interim mates than ever before. With a few clicks or swipes you can get a date simply sitting at your desk, in your bed, or even at the park. Before online access you had to be physically present to meet someone or hope a friend had you in mind and set you up with someone. Now you just need a virtual presence and you can meet someone without much effort at all. That’s truly a great thing.
At the same time that increased media exposure has exacerbated two dangerous dating addictions. Those addictions are attention and drama. The want for attention isn’t necessarily a bad thing and there’s always some level of drama/issues in any relationship. The need for attention is what helps drive a relationship because both sides are always seeking attention from their partner but there’s a dangerous line in needing too much attention. There’s always going to be some level of drama and issues in a relationship but there’s also a dangerous line when it becomes a negative factor in a relationship. Attention and drama are natural but there’s definitely a line they both cross where they create a negative influence on a relationship.
Everybody likes attention to some degree and that’s perfectly natural. Even the biggest recluse appreciates a compliment for something about them or what they’ve done. Maybe it’s how they’re dressed, a project at work, or something else. Everybody appreciates a compliment. Where the need for attention becomes dangerous is when someone has to have it so often they spend their day seeking attention from someone else. That need for attention drives every action they do on a daily basis. Rather than thinking about their actions from a long term standpoint they basically become a junkie looking for that next hit of attention no matter how it comes.
Social media has made this worse. People can post something online and get instant attention by the way of likes and comments. These feel good and there’s nothing wrong with them. When you spend a good part of your day thinking about what you can post to social media to get some likes or comments you’re in a dangerous territory. Life should be spent in real life and not worried what your social media profile is. You shouldn’t be worried about getting likes and comments every day from people you don’t have regular interaction with. The people you have regular interaction with should mean more than someone that spends a couple seconds of their day liking or commenting on one of your social media posts. Social media is completely fine to keep up with friends but likes and comments from people you haven’t had a conversation with in over five years shouldn’t be driving your social media habits.
Where this increased need for attention can be destructive is in a relationship. In a truly healthy relationship the attention of that one person should matter above anyone else. That’s the person you’re going to have a real interaction with multiple times a day. At least that’s what should happen because that’s why you decided to be in a single person relationship. Their attention and opinion should matter more than anyone else. When someone in a relationship is constantly seeking out attention from other people the other person is likely going to start feeling jealous or neglected. This includes just social media attention. The attention of “internet friends’ should never matter more than the person that someone is with. The main reason to be in a single person relationship is that you don’t have to worry about what other people or “internet friends” think of your actions. Compliments and attention from people other than their partner is just fine but it should never be a driver. When someone in a relationship seeks out constant attention from other people then that relationship is likely doomed. Some people may find the attention of just one person boring but it’s actually really awesome when you decide you no longer care what people think about your actions. Online or offline. The feedback from that one person matters more than anyone else and it can be truly liberating. You have to make the conscious decision that you truly want attention from just one person though.
An addiction to drama can also be a dangerous thing as well. No relationship is without occasional drama and issues but some people thrive off of it constantly looking for it. Drama should be on your television and not in your life. It’s fine to be entertained by it on the Bravo Network. It shouldn’t be a regular thing in any relationship. Drama is entertaining to people not involved but it’s never healthy for people involved. The reality of drama on television is those people are getting paid for being involved. You don’t get paid for drama in your life. Don’t be fooled it’s a good thing in real life. Drama will never progress a relationship to a positive state. At best it keeps it spinning in a neutral state.
When you find yourself constantly involved in drama related to a relationship you’re in a negative state. You’re likely deteriorating trust and wasting time. Neither one of those is a good thing for a healthy relationship. Healthy might be considered boring but it’s also a stable place. If you like being treated like crap or constantly arguing with someone over the smallest things you’re in a negative place. You’re allowing yourself to be constantly mis-treated or keeping a relationship that could be headed to a positive place spiraling backwards. You’re constantly blowing up minor issues that don’t matter in the grand scheme.
Realize you can walk away from drama at any point. You control what happens to you and can walk away from drama whenever you want. If drama is constantly happening to you you’re choosing to be a part of that drama. You can always leave drama if you really want. Don’t forget that choice is always yours. Drama is invited. Nobody controls you unless you let them. You make that decision. Not them.
Your life will never be without attention and drama and that’s okay from time to time. However, when you find yourself constantly seeking out one or even both you need to take a step back. Regularly seeking attention and drama will be detrimental to any relationship with one person. It’s entirely possible to have a relationship while seeking attention from as many people as possible or constantly adding drama but it won’t be a healthy stable relationship. Constant attention seeking and drama in a relationship are cracks that will eventually cause the foundation to collapse. There’s no other way.
Now, feel free to like or share this on social media so others can learn from it. Some attention seeking is okay!
If you're a female in or near you're 30's and have never heard of the 30's Vortex for Single Females I encourage you to watch the video explaining it here:
Some people find it offensive but the reality is those that it offends are the most guilty of doing the things it mentions. Make no mistake the pool of guys is terrible but if you want out of the Vortex you really need to think about what you're doing. If you're not willing to make some changes to how you date the odds are really high of you repeating the results you're seeing now.
If you want to learn more about each action that's likely creating a negative result you can watch some short videos here that hopefully explain how to think differently:
You can also read some of the various blogs on the website along with the detailed theory. The whole point of the 30's Vortex is really not to be offensive. It's meant to poke fun at the reality of dating and hopefully spur people to think differently about dating.
It's okay to be in the Vortex as there's nothing wrong being single. If you want out that though it's going to take some changes in how you're dating. Good luck!