If you’ve ever looked for a job or a long term mate you may have never noticed the similarities. When you think about it though the whole process is practically the same. How you identify a prospect, the interview process, and the ultimate decision on which is right or wrong.
You identify prospects almost exactly the same. In this day and age it’s done mostly one of two ways. You do it either online or through personal connections. Sure, there’s the old school way of walking up to some stranger or walking through the front door of a business to hand off a resume but most people in this day and age people are looking for jobs and dates online or through personal connections. When you’re looking online it’s exactly the same whether you’re looking for a job or person. You see these jobs and personal profiles and you’re wondering what’s real and what’s fake. If this job or person is so outstanding why isn’t the job filled or the person with someone? It’s eerily similar. You’re only seeing the positives but you have no clue if the positives are real or what the negatives are because there are always negatives.
If you see something you like online you either drop a resume or swipe right/send a note hoping there’s mutual interest. If there’s mutual interest you’ll likely trade messages or even chat on the phone to see if it makes sense to meet in person. In job prospecting it’s called an interview but in mate prospecting it’s called a date. Settings are completely different but the process is exactly the same. You think about what to wear, how and when to get there, and maybe some things to talk about. It’s really no different other than the settings.
The best way to get introduced to a job or person is through a personal network. This way the person you know can vouch for the company or person. They can also tell you if you’d be a good fit because they know you. This is the most important part because having a third party give some indication of it’s a fit or not can eliminate a lot of wasted time and effort. If the friend can vouch for both sides you’ll send a resume or the friend will show the other person pics. If there’s mutual interest you’ll go through the same process above for an interview or date.
After the interview or date both parties will talk about following up and seeing each other again. The reality is both parties will think about the interaction and look at their other prospects and decide if they want to see that person again. In some instances it was a miserable experience for one and even if there are no other prospects they’ll make a decision they don’t even want to go further. You don’t want to be that person.
One person will reach out after the interview or date and if the other enjoyed the time as well they’ll respond and a second date will happen. If things progress from there you’ll meet other people in the company or family/friends. Everybody is feeling each other out to determine if it’s a good fit. If things keep progressing a job offer or ring will appear. If the other party accepts then you’ll set a start date or wedding date. Later on down the road if things don’t work out there will be hard feelings and maybe even lawyers involved to unwind what was once a happy and exciting relationship. It’s really uncanny how similar both of these processes are.
So what does one make of this? Well, think about the positives and negatives from each and learn from them and apply them to how you handle things. Obviously dating is going to be different from finding a job because the heart is involved but there are things to take away from job searching into dating. Have you ever got really excited about interviewing with a big known company but during the interview you felt like the person you were interviewing with was an asshole or bitch? Dating is no different. Don’t be blinded by what you see on the surface and go with how you feel. There are lots of great jobs out there you’d really like but you’d never consider them because on the surface they don’t interest you.
The best advice in looking for a job is to ignore everything else and only think about the relationship you’d have with your boss on a day to day basis. Having a great boss means everything. Don’t worry about the prestige of the company or the industry. Find someone that would be a really great boss. The person you report to makes all the difference in how much you enjoy your job. If you work for a prestigious company or in a prestigious role but your boss is an asshole or bitch you’re going to be miserable despite the prestige. You really will.
Looking for a long term mate is the same. Ignore all the surface things and pre-conceived notions you have and find someone that makes you happy. It’s obviously not that easy but think about the times you went into an interview with someone that you didn’t think you’d like and walked out pleasantly surprised. The jobs you think you’d like aren’t always the right one. Have an open mind and focus on the direct relationship with the people you’ll deal with on a daily basis. Find those people that just make you happy and you’ll be surprised how much more you’ll enjoy a job or relationship.
One final thing to think about is if you're clueless on a career or mate you likely won't find something that makes you happy. A dream job like a dream mate doesn't just happen along with no thought or idea from you. You have to have an idea of what it is that you want and work towards it. If not you'll just spend time day dreaming about something when better because you don't like the reality you're in. That gets you nowhere. So at some point you have to take hold of a direction you want your career and love life to go.