I didn’t realize it while watching but Monday night’s episode of the Bachelor in Paradise might have been the greatest ever BiP episode. I guess this is technically Week 4 Episode 1 if it needs to be noted. It didn’t hit me while I was watching but after it ended I realized it was just a good 2 hours of “relationship television.” There were things that might have been major storylines in a normal episode but this 2 hours had so much they were throw away events. Just a couple minutes so people could follow the storyline but no focus whatsoever.
I didn’t plan on blogging about anything related to BiP so I wasn’t taking notes during this episode. I don’t have time to write a normal write up but wanted to get some bullet points based on memory. The timing for each is likely off a bit but the events are pretty accurate.
We start off with Jenna’s confusion between Jordan and Benoit. It seems REALLY obvious who the right guy is but with Jenna it’s not so easy.
We then get more of Krystal and Goose. Is there a big loser than Goose/Chris in the history of the Bachelor franchise? Has anyone else masked MAJOR insecurities with MAJOR confidence/lies like him? He doesn’t know reality from fantasy. He’s fascinating to watch.
Connor aka Jordan Rodgers, Jr comes in and follows every prompt by the producers including showing off his abs. He tells us he’s got his eye on Krystal. There’s no doubt Krystal is attractive because she works out 2-4 hours a day and eats like a bird but she’s dumb as a rock. Either way Connor grabs Krystal first.
Krystal tells Connor he was the guy she wanted to meet the most but she’s in a “relationship” with Chris. If they went on a date she’d be thinking about Chris the entire time. Chris gets a major erection when Krystal tells him what she told Connor. Perfect set up for Goose.
Connor following the producer’s orders asks Krystal on a date despite what she told him earlier. Because Krystal is all about surface and not depth (not that Chris has any depth) she realizes Connor has better abs than Chris and decides to go out with Connor. This pleases the producers. Not sure if Krystal is going because of Connor or to discover what “mystical” means as she’s fixated on that term on the date card. Either way it’s good for everyone.
Krystal tells Chris she’s going with Connor so Chris is hurt and confused. Love is hard, Goose.
Krystal and Connor appear to have a good time and make out because they find each other really attractive since they both like working out and not eating normal foods.
Back at the ranch Goose is rationalizing every which way he can that Krystal won’t like Connor which is fun to watch.
At the same time we see Jenna trying to figure out if she likes Jordan or Benoit better. Seems obvious but Jenna is so high or drunk she can’t figure it out. She’s a damn mess and there’s no doubt whoever she chooses ain’t lasting two steps beyond Paradise. Jenna loves her some Vortex activities.
Jordan isn’t going down without a fight while Benoit plays it cool. In a MAJOR shocker Jenna somehow picks Jordan because he “gets to her depths” or something like that. Neither has depth so maybe that’s what she means. They’re both train wrecks that won’t last longer than 30 minutes off the show.
Benoit is shocked and upset. Amazingly he somehow learns to throw a football into the ocean and have it return so you can continue to throw off stress. The dude doesn’t realize he just dodged a MAJOR bullet. Move on from that chick pronto. Well, unless you like cocaine because I’m convinced Jenna snuck some in.
Somewhere in all of this Kevin tells Astrid he thinks she should date others. Um, do what, Kevin???
Astrid is confused like the rest of us and takes off crying. Kevin lays there confused on if it’s something he said. Yeah, Kevin it was.
I think Kevin then goes to talk to Colton. At some point someone talks to Colton while Tia lays there snoozing hard. Ladies, that’s the sign of a woman that has her man in Paradise and ain’t got a trouble in the world. Good on you, Tia. Snooze away while the boys talk. It doesn’t concern you so need to worry.
Kevin and Astrid then have a talk. He explains he’s scared and has anxiety because his last two relationships which were on the Bachelor franchise have ended badly. Ever tried dating in real life, Kevin?
Astrid and Kevin work it out which is good because I think they’re good for each other. At least on this show. They seem pretty drama free. Stay strong, Kevin. Astrid is there for you. At least in Paradise.
Kenny tells Annaliese he’s leaving the show to see his daughter’s recital. Very admirable by Kenny but Annaliese is a damn mess. She’s balling because her Paradise lover boy is leaving. Normally this would be a bigger storyline but not this episode! See ya Kenny! Let those tears flow, Annaliese!
Some guy named Kamal (sp?) shows up and all the girls are smitten because shocker, he’s good looking! He’s EXTREMELY confused because he can’t make heads or tails of what girls are locked into who. Annaliese has forgotten all about Kenny because she thinks she’s getting Kamal’s date. Kamal talks to some other girls who also think they’re getting his date but the producers tell him to take Annaliese.
Kamal and Annaliese go on a date and Kamal lets Annaliese drive. WTF, dude? Not to be a traditional chauvinist pig but shouldn’t the dude be driving on a date? Plus, Annaliese has trauma with driving. I bet the producers are behind this.
Kamal and Annaliese get to their destination where they strip down to the bathing suits and go for a swim. Annaliese tells us they have similar stories over Carnivals and Fairs. Really? How do the producers get this stuff out??? At the same time Annaliese is telling us how she’s never felt like this about someone. Um, Annaliese do you remember Kenny? You know that guy you were crying over yesterday because he left? Exit Kenny and enter Kamal like it’s no big deal. I’m happy for her. I really am.
Somewhere else in all of this we see Jubilee leaving because Venmo John told her she was in the friend zone. WTF? Another decent story line and we only see a minute of it because there’s so much else going on. So Venmo John chose Jubilee over Caroline but then gives her the boot when she’s got the rose? How’s Caroline feeling right now? Whatever. I don’t have the time or capacity to worry about Venmo John with so much else going on.
People are coming and going like crazy in this episode and we’re not even to the best part. This whole episode is insane because the girls have the roses but there’s not a girl or dude acting like they realize it. Dude’s are dissing girls left and right while the girls are stressing because there’s no dudes even though the dudes outnumber the girls. This is totally Vortex activity by everyone involved. They’re not thinking at all. Look who the numbers favor and act accordingly!
Finally, the main meat of the show comes to fruition with the Kendall love triangle involving Grocery Store Joe and Leo. Let’s get to the bullets. I’m may have the timing of the conversations off a bit but pretty sure I’m accurate on what was said.
It’s common knowledge Leo kissed Chelsea after his date with Kendall but somehow Kendall doesn’t know.
Kendall has a talk with Kevin and he references it assuming she knows. She doesn’t. She’s kind of shocked she’s just learning about it.
She confronts Leo who acts like it’s no big deal. He’s more worried about who told her than explaining why it happened. He also tells Kendall a kiss is like a handshake in Paradise. Um, if you’re just looking to play the field it is. There’s people really looking to find true love here, Leo. Kendall is not some hussy just looking to make out with whoever she can. Get your shit together.
Rather than explain why he did it to Kendall in that he was just looking to mack on another girl but he really likes Kendall, Leo wants to go look for the rat. He doesn’t explain shit to Kendall about it despite Kendall seeming interested to learn why he did it. Leo isn’t interested in explaining it. He wants to find the rat.
Like a 12-year-old Leo jumps in the pool and makes a big scene hoping the rat/snitch emerges but to no avail. Kevin just lays there, and nobody is giving Kevin up. It’s fascinating how pretty much everyone knows but Kendall and Leo is focusing on a single individual rather than just owning it with Kendall. He’s channeling his inner Chris acting like a Vortex guy.
Kevin decides to own it and tells Leo directly. Leo isn’t completely pissed at Kevin mainly because Kevin is holding his ground. Both Leo and Kevin know that Kevin did nothing wrong. Once again, it’s fascinating Leo is focused on Kevin being the snitch. Kendall was going to find out, Leo.
Leo realizes it is what it is for the most part but he still won’t let it go. He got caught not telling the truth and he’s trying to figure out a way out rather than own it.
That night Kendall and Leo have a talk. It’s the most FASCINATING talk ever. Leo is trying to mentally manipulate Kendall and Kendall is owning his ass not having any of it. Women everywhere should be applauding and taking notes for how Kendall his handling Leo trying to manipulate her. Leo sounds like Chris talking to Tia or Krystal. It’s absolutely fascinating.
Kendall is shut down on Leo but she’s not taking any of his shit throwing it right back at him. Kendall has been impressive every step of the way on this franchise. She slayed Krystal, Bekah, and is now adding Leo to her list of victims. Kendall doesn’t play games y’all.
The best is when Leo tells Kendall she’s a good actor. Um, dumbass, she was actually into you. You went and ruined it by kissing another girl and not owning it immediately and directly. Don’t put this on Kendall. She did nothing wrong and gave you a chance to explain it but you chose to pretend you could make it go away. It’s hear to stay and you’re about to be gone, Leo.
Grocery Store Joe realizing Kendall and Leo have talked enough walks over to address the situation like a real man. I thought Joe would be on the outside looking in with Kendall. She was sucking face and smitten with Leo but Joe has handled this perfectly. Let Leo expose himself and go rescue Kendall. I think Kendall is smart enough to realize she played with fire in Leo but got lucky he exposed himself with Joe there waiting. Hopefully she realizes what she has in Joe even if it’s just for the rest of Paradise.
The whole thing with Kendall, Leo, and Joe is a great study in the Vortex. Kendall is a super smart girl but let emotions and attractions drop her guard for a brief moment. Luckily, Leo exposed himself as a total jackass which allowed Kendall to regain her footing. She held firm and owned Leo’s ass in conversations about his actions. Meanwhile, Grocery Store Joe just kind of stood firm himself letting things play out naturally. He let Leo make the mistakes and if Kendall wanted to follow the mistakes that was her decision. He’d be hurt but he wasn’t going down that path of drama.
I can’t wait for the next episode when Leo apparently loses his shit once again. I assume he gets sent home. He should admit defeat and move on but doesn’t look like he learned his lesson in conversations with Jenna. It’s amazing Leo was the guy agreeing with Becca he should be sent home first on the 3x1 with Jason and Wills. He even waved at their boat as they cruised off like a good guy. Now he's a complete jackass in Paradise. Just goes to show you never truly know some people.
I’m just glad BiP is so damn entertaining again!!!! Thank you cast and producers!
When I reference the Vortex above I’m talking about the 30’s Vortex for Single Females. It’s a tongue and cheek look at why single females in their 30's tend to stay single.
To learn more you can watch the 8-minute video here:
Or read the actual Detailed Theory here: