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Week 6 of The Damn Thing

July 6, 2018

 

We start off Week 6 with Becca and Chris Harrison having a chat.  Harrison is completely half assing it going through the motions.  Becca is all excited talking about what a great group of guys she has and excited for the future including marriage.  She’s even been reading some magazines on it and tearing pages.  She’s clearly serious about this whole process.  Harrison just nods and gives generic responses because he’s so numb to her “excitement.”  He knows it’s likely not going to work out so he has no interest in getting vested.  Don’t blame him.  Cash that check and go get some wine, buddy.

Becca and the boys hit Virginia where we’re told, “Virginia is for Lovers.”  What we soon realize is they left off something.  Virginia is for Lovers of History.  Someone along the way took off the last part and now everybody is confused that Virginia is like France or Italy.  Based on this episode it’s CLEARLY neither of those places.

 

Jason gets the first 1x1.  They have a great time together and appear to have an actual connection.  Becca comments on this multiple times but the sad reality is Jason just isn’t as attractive as Colton.  Basically, Jason is Becca in Arie’s season.  He seems like the most genuine and likable of the remaining guys.  However, I have a feeling Becca is going to do the same thing to Jason that Arie did to her in the end.  When you’re smitten by looks you’re smitten by looks even if there’s a genuine connection with someone else.

 

To help prove Virginia is in fact not actually for lovers they go to an “Un” Happy Hour filled with some of the most morbid people you’ve ever seen in your life.  Seriously.  These people looked like they were wanting a bullet to the head their life was so miserable.  Jason makes the most of it making Becca laugh despite the fact they couldn’t have been in a more awkward setting for romance.  Virginia is not for lovers based on what we saw.  At dinner that evening Jason and Becca have a contest to one up sad stories so they connect even more.  Jason just put himself in position for a hometown visit as he’s almost a lock for the Final Four at this point.

 

For the group date Becca dressed in her finest pant suit and the fellas head to the Virginia State Capitol.  There they meet up with Abe Lincoln who’s not even from Virginia and George Washington who is from Virginia.  This is by far the lamest George Washington impersonator ever.  The dude is old but has black hair instead of George’s signature white hair.  Seriously.  Have you ever see Washington with anything other than white hair?  To make it worse this clown has ZERO energy or charisma as the Father of our Country.  ABC should have banished him and just rode Abe Lincoln the entire group date.

 

Since Virginia is for Lovers of History Abe teaches everyone some good ol Virginia history.  Abe then tells the gang they’re going to have a debate for Beccalection 2018 which is political talk for Becca’s affection.  I think that’s the stretch they were trying to make.  Somehow they roped the Governor of Virginia into this mess as he starts asking the contestants questions.  It’s all fun and games until Chris decides to make public the spat between him and Lincoln that started earlier.  Things turn south pretty quickly and Becca is no longer enjoying the debate for her heart.  In fact, her face indicates she’s completely pissed at the producers for making her keep Chris one more week.  Meanwhile, the producers are fist pumping the train wreck and laughing how Chris wore that mess in his jacket pocket.  Sorry Becca.  You signed up for this so just sit there and take it.

 

After the debate Becca first takes Chris and Lincoln alone to ask what was up with their shit show out on the Capitol Steps.  Neither one do a good job explaining because they’re morons.  Garrett trying to be the hero on the white horse attempts to free Becca from Chris.  He’s eventually successful but Becca needs her alone time like she always does.  Remember how Arie called timeouts?  Becca needs alone time on group dates.  She’s more Arie than she isn’t.

 

The strangest thing in all of this is something has happened to Garrett.  It’s like he’s suffered a mini-stroke or on something.  He has a distant look in his eyes and his voice has no inflection.  He’s basically a robot.  This guy has gone from first impression rose to something more robot than human.  It’s strange.  Becca finally gets composed and Garrett gets to go spend time with her.  During this time Garrett says something to the effect, “I wrote a closing statement because my words sometimes don’t work so well.  I didn’t get to read it so I’d like to do it now.”  When he read the words they were basically jibberish and made no sense.  Becca usually smitten by anything romantic direct towards her looked confused on what had happened to the man with the First Impression Rose.

 

She spends time with the rest of the guys including Cutie Pie Colton.  We don’t see them talking a whole lot and when they do it’s not about anything in depth like always.  They sneak away to some clock tower thing or something where they get some quality making out in.  Through the whole cocktail hour Blake also looks confused and doesn’t really do anything.  He’s just sitting there with a pensive look on his face.  Becca eventually comes in to give the group date rose.  She’s building this person up as someone who really saved her that evening and always puts a smile on her face.  The camera shows Robot Garrett thinks it’s his rose but then Becca gives it to Cutie Pie Colton.  Sorry fellas.  This just became Colton’s race to lose.  He’s so far in front right now it’s not even funny.  If I’m wagering I don’t see how Garrett, Blake, or Jason have any chance now.  Don’t spoil a thing those of you that have read ahead.  I like keeping my purity in watching this show.

 

Even though Colton brought a smile to her face Becca is still confused on what’s going on.  Not sure why.  I guess it’s because the producers have told Becca she has to wait until the fantasy suites to sleep with Colton.  Sorry girl.  There are strict rules here.  Because of this Becca stays in a state of confusion for her 1x1 with Leo.

 

Poor Leo has to play the role of Wills hoping to get Becca back on track.  As they’re flying over Virginia Becca keeps staring out the window paying Leo no mind.  Dejected Leo just sits there but hasn’t completely given up.  While they are collecting oysters (not shucking) Leo makes some headway with Becca because she’s freezing and he offers lots of warmth.  Even better, they eat an oyster someone shucked.  Proving what an amazing aphrodisiac oysters are Becca kisses Leo on the lips.  One oyster and we’ve got our old face sucking Becca back.  Its clear oysters are amazing at getting the old libido going.

 

Leo and Becca go to dinner and Leo opens up big time.  He’s not just the big oaf he appears to be.  He seems like an outstanding dude with a giant heart.  Leo has come a long way since making his mark in dodgeball.  He’s completely lovable right now.  Leo has no chance with Becca because he’s so far behind but what he doesn’t realize is he’s setting himself up nicely to get a lady off the show.  All he has to do is get on a dating app and put “Becca’s Leo” in his profile and he’ll have dates lined up left and right.  After dinner they head to a concert of another C level country artist that Becca tells us she’s excited to see.  Thank goodness she can read the names of these people while she’s doing the voice over that gets edited in later.

 

After the date with Leo ends we see Chris writing something.  I’m officially scared.  This dude is crazy and crazy people writing letters alone scares me even more.  Chris tells us he’s going see Becca.  He walks 2-3 miles because the producers wouldn’t let him take the SUV that was clearly following him and would come into play in a little bit.  He gets to the room and Becca is still dressed from her date with Leo including her heels.  The producers clearly told her he was coming because what woman retires alone to her room after a date and leaves her dress and heels on just sitting around by herself?

 

Her and Chris have a conversation where Chris continues to show how out of touch with reality he is.  He tells Becca he can see them together forever and he’ll prove it.  I kept waiting for him to hit a knee and propose right there but he didn’t.  I also kept waiting for his note but I guess the producers took it from him on advice of their attorneys.  Chris finally gets the hint it’s not going anywhere while Becca is looking at the producers waiting for the signal everyone is set up for the goodbye.  Getting the sign, Becca walks Chris to the door and off he goes to the SUV that followed him and has been waiting since he went to Becca’s room.  Chris lasted a lot longer than I ever expected.

 

As all the fellas gather for the Rose Ceremony, Chris Harrison walks in with a smirk on his face and an enormous erection in his pants.  That can only mean one thing – WE’RE GOING STRAIGHT TO THE ROSE CEREMONY.  No cocktails and conversation!!!  Chris Harrison lives for those words.  It’s like he’s telling them their pet has a terminal illness.  Everybody is freaking the eff out because they won’t get to spend any time with Becca as she’s already made up her mind.  They don’t realize we’re at the point in the show where the candidate has already made up their mind.  Every Rose Ceremony from this point is the producers haggling with Becca on who not named Colton gets to stay in what order.  These dumbasses don’t realize they’ve had six weeks together and a few more minutes with Becca isn’t going to do shit in her mind.

 

Becca has three roses to give out because Colton, Jason, and Leo all have theirs.  That means three of Blake, Garrett, Wills, Lincoln, and Connor are going home.  It’s pretty clear Blake and Garrett will get two so it comes down to Wills, Lincoln, and Connor.  Wills gets the final rose because he’s clearly made more headway than Connor.  Lincoln has been a target since he was on the steps of the Capitol so he was a lock to go.

 

We’re now down to 6 guys vying for Becca’s heart and headed to some place warmer and much better suited for lovers than Virginia – The Bahamas!  If Colton keeps his shirt off, a smile on his face, and words to a minimum he’s going to put even more distance between himself and the others.  Something tells me he won’t quite be able to do those three little things.

 

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