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I Don't Know Gets You Nowhere

December 24, 2017

If you’re still single in your 30’s there’s a good chance you don’t know what it is that you’re looking for.  There’s a possibility your standards are too high for what you can achieve in a mate but there’s a strong chance you don’t know what you’re looking for.  You don’t have to be one hundred percent certain on what you’re looking for but you definitely should have some direction on what it is that you’re looking for in a long term mate.  That expectation and direction has to be realistic based on your dating experience though.  It can’t be a fairy tale you’re just sitting around hoping to happen.  It’s totally fine if you’re still lost and just dating for fun but that’s not going to get you anywhere when it comes to a long term mate.  Just admit to yourself that’s what you’re doing so you don’t get confused on why you’re not able to find a long term mate.

 

Your 20’s is when you should have spent your time dating for fun and figuring out what it is that you want in a long term mate.  You can still do that in your 30’s but you need to be aware the clock is ticking against you.  Finding a long term mate becomes more difficult the older you get.  If you don’t know what you’re looking for or don’t know what got you in this spot you’ll need to figure it out if you want out of the Vortex.  It’s fine to stay in the Vortex but remember you have nobody to blame for being in it.  There’s ways out and you have to figure them out to make changes.  Time is passing making it harder. 

 

You have to have a level of assertiveness in dating if you want to be successful.  Uncertainty works against you.  If someone asks you to do something and you have no clue your response then you’re spinning your wheels.  If someone asks you out you should be excited that person asked you or flattered but not interested.  It should be a fairly quick decision on your part.  Someone made the effort towards you so you should be able to decide if you want to make an effort towards them.  You should take the relationship slow but when someone asks you to do something it shouldn’t take days to respond.  If you’re confused on if you should even say “yes” then you don’t know what it is that you’re looking for.  That blame is totally on you and nobody else. 

 

If you’re slow to respond you’re likely secretly afraid of commitment or confused on what it is that you’re looking for and can attract.  You can blame the opposite sex all you want but the doubt in your mind is a big part of your problem.  The sooner you eliminate the uncertainty you have in looking for someone the more likely you are in finding that person.  If you can’t be deliberate in what it is that you’re looking for how can anyone be deliberate in looking for you?  Paraphrasing Jerry Maguire – Help someone help you. 

 

There’s no Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor coming for you as you should have figured out by now.  It’s time for you to figure out what you want based on what’s out there.  You’re in your 30’s and should have a good idea of what’s out there.  If you’ve been on multiple dates and nobody has been of any interest to you then you need to figure out why that is.  There’s a reason and you need to figure it out.  Either your expectations are off on what you can attract or you’re clueless on what you want which explains why nobody intrigues you.  It’s possible it’s a mix of both but only you can figure out why. 

 

Looking for a long term mate is not a perfect science.  It takes a level of direction but not too much direction so you become too picky eliminating people before you give yourself a chance to get to know them.  The beginning of that direction begins with eliminating “I Don’t Know” as much as possible.  Establish some basic wants and direction without being too rigid.  Make sure those wants and direction are realistic.  If they’re not realistic then they won’t be fruitful.  More than anything you should be looking for someone that makes you happy so you in turn can make them happy.  Don’t forget relationships are two sided and both sides must make effort to make the other person happy.

 

There’s nothing wrong with spending the rest of life your single.  In fact, it’s better to be single and free than miserable in a relationship.  To have a great relationship you have to have some idea of what would make you happy and it has to be realistic.  That begins with you having some idea rather than simply saying “I Don’t Know.”  As long as “I Don’t Know” is an almost immediate response then you’re just going nowhere.  The Vortex will be spinning and the clock will be ticking…

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